3 comments on “A Wanted Man

  1. I know of at least one man in your life who loved you for you and not just for your ass (it was never offered anyway), who spent years wondering why he wasn’t good enough for you. He cried to have just a piece of your heart when others were getting your ass.

    I lost track of how many years I spent alone, despite how desirable, successful, and “popular” everyone else claimed me to be. Love finally snuck up on me though, and I resisted with every thing I had because it wasn’t perfect, wasn’t what I had imagined, wasn’t what I thought I wanted, and mainly because I didn’t want to risk more pain.

    Love won.

    In three weeks we’ll be celebrating a Decade of real love, true love, even monogamous love. Really. I’m still not sure how this happened, but I’m not complaining; just still amazed.

    Three of my closest friends, who are three of the sanest, most successful, and attractive people I know have all been single and not even dating (they’ve given up like I had) for years; one for almost a decade. I hope and believe for them, and for you, that love will sneak up on you all, too. Love can’t be forced; can’t be manipulated, can’t be rushed (I was 40 before it decided I was worthy and perhaps ready). However, it must be respected.

    Simply, let it be.

  2. Minus the specific details, of course, I read this feeling like it was something I could have written about myself.

    People are afraid of people like us, because most people have no idea what real love is. What it truly means to love someone, completely and unconditionally.

    It makes for a shitty life, sometimes, but it is worth it in the end.

    My big, scary heart loves your big, scary heart. ❤

  3. “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away”…You gave ME a tape called “Messages…” I wore it out listening… waiting vainly, selfishly, for your “big scary heart” to speak to me.

    You gave me candlelight and a bed of roses. You invited me to Acadamy Award and Sagattarian 35th birthday parties. You introduced me to your friends and the work of The Art Guys…but you wouldn’t give me your “big scary heart.”

    You said, “I’m a user not a saver.” I said, “I would have been happy with a one night stand, but that wasn’t good enough for you!” You said, “I know…, it’s my fault. Your like a freshly picked flower,” as if you were the Little Prince contemplating his rose…You said “How long did you cry?” I said, “Two weeks.” You said, “That’s not very long” OBVIOUSLY disappointed in the shallow depth of my brokenheartedness. ALL however, is forgiven.

    BECAUSE…

    There was another, who through YOUR gift of pirated “Messages”,… as with “the tongues of Angels”… SPOKE! Although “Being your own one and only is a dirty selfish trick,”… “I’m a one man guy”… This suits me. I am contented in the life I have built… Years of learning my lessons the hard way, repeating the same mistakes over and over again, beating my head against a wall, addiction to cruising (a blood sport), a string of ex’s, and my own battle with alchoholism have instilled in me a deep seated hatred for drama. I crave “the Peace that passeth all understanding.” I know what it is to be “A Wanted Man”, and still am, but my hearing and reading of Wainwright has led me in a different direction. Through it all I have carried Rufus with me…his words as a comfort…Rufus knows how I feel. Rufus knows what I think. Rufus knows my heart is a WHORE incapable of fidelity to any objectifiable human… and so,…”I’m out of the game.” But this is MY journey…MY understanding.

    Instead, daily, at times moment by moment, I offer my heart to the ONE who knows me best and loves me most, because HE with forethought, created me exactly as I am and loves me unconditionally.HIS Agape is the ONLY love I need.

    My wish for you is all happiness, and all success in sobriety! I’m proud of you!

    JOHN,… this is ME… calling YOU… “just because.” PEACE

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s