Music has always been a passion, a touchstone, a milemarker in my life; in my memories. But since I started down the journey that is recovery, it has come to mean so much more. thoughts and messages from God, right there on my speakers and in my ears…. always right when I need it. SO grateful for my Rdio account and the hundreds of new artists I have been introduced too. Even not so new ones like theses two. This week, I’m on a P!nk streak, especially this song, “Try” and The Great Escape” from her new album; with touches of this man thrown in: Jason Aldean. Wow…so awesome and easy on the eyes, too? Sign me up! Too many great Aldean lyrics to mention but this song is getting me through this night.
You see, this week, I realized the guy I like, that I have been dating is just not looking for the same thing I am. I also realized I was doing it again, wishing my feelings about him, what I want from a man, onto the relationship. I want romance and passion for and with BOTH of us, in and out of the bedroom, but he doesn’t. At least not with me, not right now. I understand, totally. The guy is 27 and when I was 27 I was exactly the same way. Live for tomorrow, have fun now, no commitment, just sex and party and art and fun. Cool, right?
The upside is I am not bitter, I realized this early on and I also know now I am CHANGING because I can catch myself in old behavior. I also realized I really am growing up right in front of my own eyes. I got stuck somewhere in my past, but through the work I am doing with my new therapist and my 12 step program…things are getting better. I AM getting better. One day at a time, one day at a fucking time, and that is enough today. “I’ll see you when I see, we’ll laugh about the old days, catch up on the news….and I hope it’s some day soon.” I really do.