I do know, however, that God is not “keeping me” from having a relationship, a partner, or even simply (hahaha) hooking up. He is saving me from making a colossal mistake. Wrong guy, wrong time, wrong motives. Just wrong. I heard that in my heart tonight. When I couldn’t get picked up, at a place where that’s it’s sole purpose? Yeah, I heard that message really clear.
So, there’s that. And that is enough for tonight. That and Ben & Jerry’s.
See these eyes so blue with the Full Moon? See that Full Blue Moon? Feel that whisper in the night? The tide rising? Yeah, I do too…hang on tight.
The Summer of 2012 is now over. Passing through the gates of a full year (and several months, now) sober, I look around and see the end of much. Many habits, perceptions and good god, “feelings,” those notoriously impossible to read former barometers of my life.
Some dragons slain. Others awake for the first time. Yes, my eyes are now wide and open…I stand at the ready. Ready to pounce, leap from the ledges I fell to, like a cat on a hot tar roof. Leaving deep prints,searing my feet until I shoot forward, up and over and out of view.
As Roy Batty says…“I want more life, fucker.” And I am having all of it I can. I intend to suck the life out of every last morsel of marrow I can before the Archangel Michael calls me home.
You ain’t seen nothing yet…and I am not afraid of what is yet to be. Seen by me.
For Scott the Wise Wood…..my take on “Conversations With GOD.”
I am adrift, seemingly without sail or course. No harbor is deep enough, I have no first mate…my crew is gone. And it is absurd for me to feel or think like this. What am I going to do? Gifts abound, shore to shore, and I astound even myself with my *audacity to be ungrateful.
AND. YET. I. REMAIN. SO.
*(audacity: bold or arrogant disregard of normal restraints)
I continue to Act As If
& yet I know,
Something has got to give…and soon.
It’s such a mystery to me…