I see the world differently now because I see myrealself. I know I am a someone who seeks, many things: Approval, acceptance, forever, connection, love, passion, fire, pain, truth, lies, touch, tastes, terror, chaos. So I will feel complete. But, feelings are not facts & I get that today. Choices are real, choosing to be happy, to act differently if I want different results, choosing to either respond (or MORE importantly) not to any given situation.
To admit your powerlessness is the first step. I have default settings just like a computer (Matrix me?) and now I am aware…self aware, not self-centered and therefore can change. Change myself, my NOW…which in turns will change my future. And your future too. I don’t have to be the center of the Universe, to be God, mercifully that role is taken, thank God. But really, I know I have to practice all of this revelatory, radical, revolutionary new knowledge, lest it be all for not.
I like this passage from The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions: “…now the words ‘Of myself I am nothing, the Father doeth the works’ began to carry bright promise and meaning. We saw we needn’t be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering. A great turning point in our lives came when we sought for humility as something we really wanted, rather than as something we must have.”
I LOVE THAT. I am there, I am that. I am a work in progress and as my sponsor said “Progress not perfection is speaking in terms of SPIRITUAL progress.” Awesome, no? Yes.
I still want but I don’t need. I still doubt, but I do. I still exert my will, but His will is done. I still do all those things, but I do not drink and I do not use drugs. And that my friends, is more than enough. It’s a gift.